Ok. There's been something I've been wanting to talk to ya'll about now for some time. It's always there, staring at me in the photos I take... glaring me down and mocking me, saying, "You'll never tame me. You'll never make me look how you want!"
Yep, you guessed it. My hair.
Some of you have asked me about my beauty routine, and I always have to admit that I am no beauty expert. It's not that I'm ignorant to the ways of beauty routines and "tricks of the trade" (I've tried it all, trust me), it's that I have this horrible and narcissistic belief that no one in the world can understand how annoying it is to have my skin tone/hair texture/etc, etc, and nothing the magazines or beauty experts ever recommend works for me.
I really wish I could be proven wrong here, but honestly? I've yet to find the "right" solution to make me happy.
Thankfully, my skin tone has improved over the past few years (I struggled with pretty bad cystic acne for most of my younger life and really, up until about 1 1/2 years ago.) Despite the clear-up, I still have rather blotchy, red skin that's pretty uneven and some scarring that makeup doesn't always hide. But the best thing about that is it's correctable. I plan on doing some treatments to even out my skin tone soon. And it's not near what I feared it would be. I'm lucky I didn't get more scarring!
The one thing I can't change? The one thing I really, really despise? My hair. It's coarse and wavy/curly, but not the kind you can just quickly blow dry with a diffuser and let it go. Or even the kind that holds a nice curl. It's the kind that needs some serious time and TLC to get it right. And then, it usually doesn't last. It will frizz back up, or the curl will fall, or something to make me angry. And, as you can tell, straightening works (and is frankly the easiest to do), but it's so incredibly thick that it usually looks poofy anyway because there so damn much of it. I've tried every hair cut known to man and every color... just to find something that might be what works for me. And I even went to a really, really expensive stylist for a long time, assuming experts could help me. But still, no perfect haircut, no perfect color. Still struggling with the same complaints.
And I detest the articles in magazines that give you THREE EASY STEPS TO BEACHY, SEXY HAIR! ANYONE CAN DO IT! LOOK AT HOW EEEEEEAAAAASY THIS IS!! because what they recommend would make me look like a crack-addicted Pomeranian who hasn't had a cut or brush in years. Faaaaantastic, beauty editors. Great.
I know this is one huge self-pity-party and I sound a little like an ungrateful bitch and I apologize for that, but having a blog and posting pictures of myself always makes me more aware of the things I like/don't like. Don't get me wrong, here: I don't hate how I look. I'm not saying I'm ugly and I'm not looking for reassurance. I'm just irritated because I would like to fix it but am totally. confused. as. to. how. to. do. that. Maybe I should just accept it for what it is, but it's hard for me (*coughPERFECTIONISTcough*) to just accept when I'm not happy with something. I always think there's an answer for everything, but I'm going to have to face the facts: sometimes, there is no "right" answer and we gotta work with what we got. And maybe even learn to love it, somehow... somehow... :)
Yesterday, I decided to play around with my curling iron to try waving it, again. And again, I really liked the initial results! :
... but then, I brushed my fingers through it, and wouldn't ya know? It was pretty much gone. Two seconds later and gone. And I had a fun little weird kink on the left side that stuck around, just to piss me off.
(bye-bye, waves. Sigh. And you should have seen it just 10 minutes later. It looked like I got in a fight with a rabid raccoon and lost. OK, hyperbolic, whatever :) )
I'm sure I'm not alone. We all have things we hate, and I've really yet to meet a girl who doesn't want different hair. And the trouble with falling curls is definitely not a new phenomenon (I'm sure many of you have the same problem, since it's pretty common.) But still, it's quite a frustrating matter! I'm trying to accept, really, truly I am. But just bare with me a little while, because it's a work in progress. :)
top: urban outfitters leopard tank
sweater: nordstrom BP cardi
jeans: hudson bootcuts
shoes: steve madden flat sandals and liliana bow pumps
necklace: f21 teardrop necklace]